just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
