Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
