I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize