Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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