**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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