You really coming over, don't trick.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize