dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
