I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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