It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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