guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
