why didn't you poke me back
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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