I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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