I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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