im drinking this country out of the recession.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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