Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
birth control should be required to get into college
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
