i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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