Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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