So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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