You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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