I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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