Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
