I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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