If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
