I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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