yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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