I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Everything about him screamed your future.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
