dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
