I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
