Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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