I think I won the penis lottery.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
