You smell like a Billy Joel song
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
