Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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