So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
