Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
