I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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