just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
