wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
