Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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