We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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