Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
