I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
