You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
