Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
