A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
