my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
