Rock
Scissors
Fuck
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
