Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
