so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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