The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
