ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
