no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Boobs are out for the taking
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
