she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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