Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
