Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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