I wish I could teleport
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
