I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
