I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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