I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
