It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
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I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
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I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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