Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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