coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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