Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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