I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
