I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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