I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
