and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
