I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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