i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
