was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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