Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
